so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
