She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
