Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
