I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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