Tell her she can't have a vagina
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
