i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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