1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
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I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
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How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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