therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
