I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
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I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
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You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
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