Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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