I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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