I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
