no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
