I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
