you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize