just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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