its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
