I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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