i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
