Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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