tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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