the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
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He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
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Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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