I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
