i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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