Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
