i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
