i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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