he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
