I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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