u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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