R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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