we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.