Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  That changes everything.

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  (360): I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy. (1-360): That changes everything. http://tfl.nu/pss9
  Replies (27) Good night (5103) Bad night (851)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  He passed out mid-signature

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  (816): He passed out mid-signature http://tfl.nu/lnp2
  Replies (4) Good night (4037) Bad night (1244)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.

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  (859): Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things. http://tfl.nu/chhw
  Replies (6) Good night (3634) Bad night (1017)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...

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  (303): Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water... http://tfl.nu/8ncn
  Replies (12) Good night (6871) Bad night (1388)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts

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  (630): btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts http://tfl.nu/hxut
  Replies (4) Good night (3782) Bad night (996)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.

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  (816): You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do. http://tfl.nu/w9t3
  Replies (5) Good night (2093) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup

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  (845): Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup http://tfl.nu/4mdx
  Replies (6) Good night (1095) Bad night (579)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.

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  (360): It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha. http://tfl.nu/9aca
  Replies (4) Good night (1416) Bad night (838)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position

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  (954): tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position http://tfl.nu/ss2w
  Replies (5) Good night (1092) Bad night (460)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.

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  (704): We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure. http://tfl.nu/1ib6
  Replies (3) Good night (985) Bad night (379)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.

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  (330): I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished. http://tfl.nu/wyym
  Replies (4) Good night (354) Bad night (572)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.

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  (732): The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack. http://tfl.nu/qgyn
  Replies (3) Good night (621) Bad night (278)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.

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  (479): The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel. http://tfl.nu/uzc1
  Replies (2) Good night (517) Bad night (307)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine

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  (574): I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here... (614): Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine http://tfl.nu/936x
  Replies (1) Good night (905) Bad night (357)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.

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  (937): Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist. http://tfl.nu/ypin
  Replies (1) Good night (345) Bad night (212)

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