He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
