anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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