I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
