I wish my penis had an off switch
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
and she was petting her beer can
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
