I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
