I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
