I wannas sexs uuuuu
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
