last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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