Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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