I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
