The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
