just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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