I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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