Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
