yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
