The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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