its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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