We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
