ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
