somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
