Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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