no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
