He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
