Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
