dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
