I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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